Happy Birthday, Kellie!!!

Happy Birthday, Kellie Staats!!!!!

I've been following a blog of a gal named Kellie for quite a while now. Kellie lost her 4 month old baby girl to SIDS. Maddie is now a beautiful angel who watches over her mommy and daddy. Maddie's story has touched the hearts of many people, but especially mine!

Thanks to Kellie, I stop and kiss my kids more often. I don't let the messiness of my house get to me and I remember to laugh with my kids more often.

All Kellie wants for her birthday is her Maddie-bug back. I wish I could walk up to Heaven and bring her back because as a mother I couldn't imagine that unbearable pain! So instead Kellie wanted her friends to write a blog about Maddie as a gift to her.

Please look at your kids and laugh, hug them extra tight, give them tons of kisses! Tomorrow isn't guaranteed so live today like it's your last!

Reminders

Here's what keeps me going every single day...these sweet little faces :) They are growing so fast and are so sweet. They love each other so much. I hope they grow up and have a close relationship. Addison is very protective of Kale and he watches her every single move. Both of them are amazing to me and I love them both very much!

Addison is really starting to seem more like a little girl rather than a baby. She told me the other day that Justin Bieber is amazing...I about died laughing! She's becomming very opinionated on what she wears and how she wears her hair. She loves having her nails done and wearing jewelery. Sometimes I look at her and she reminds me exactly of how I was as a little girl. She loves playing baby dolls and is very motherly. I love that she loves dance as much as I did....she wants to be on So You Think You Can Dance!

Kale is turning into such a big boy! He had his 9 month check up this week and he's perfect! He weighs 17 pounds 8 ounces and is 27 inches long! He's on the small side but so was Addison. He's so close to crawling...he crawls backwards and scoots or rolls everywhere. He's also pulling himself up to stand in his crib and at the couch! Thankfully he still doesn't have any teeth because he still breastfeeds!!! 

I wish I could say life has settled down and that things are getting better, but they aren't. In fact, they've only gotten worse. Nothing is what is was and things will never go back to the way they were. It's pretty hard for me to swallow lately. I feel sick a lot because of all the stress of my parents divorce. It seems like I get headaches a lot. I'm considering calling my doctor to see if I could get a recommendation for a counselor. Maybe someone with an unbiased opinion could help give me advice.

Anyway, to the left is a picture of my niece Jaci, Addison, and Kale. I love taking pictures...I wish I was better at it! And I wish I knew how to use my camera better, lol! I got a really cool editing program called Camera Bag. It's really fun to mess around with and see what the different filters do!

{Family}

Here's my family on Addison's recital night. She did so amazing!!! I absolutely beam with joy when I see her dancing on stage and singing her dance song. She practices at home all the time. She loves dance and tumbling so much!!! Preparing for rehearsal and recital helped to take things off my mind for a little while.

I wish I could say things have changed but they haven't. I still feel like crying all the time...like I can't take a deep breath...like my world is crumbling. Some of you think this may sound dramatic but my family has always been what has molded me and made me who I am. If my family isn't together, then who am I? I know I'm still a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, etc. But if my parents aren't together, then what? I don't know what to even say after that...My parents aren't together but they both still love me even though it feels like one of them has moved on without us. They swear they haven't but it doesn't change how I feel.

I still hold firm on my belief that divorce is harder on adult children than it is on younger children. When a young childs parents divorce, they don't have to choose a side because it is chosen for them and custody is set up. As an adult, I'm not spared or shielded from any details. It may not seem fair, but I'm afraid that if I don't listen then neither of them have anyone to confide in. I know it isn't my job but I still listen.

Every single day is getting harder and I'm feeling angrier. I have considered calling my family doctor for a referral to talk to a counselor. An unbiased party might be able to help me. Kris and my kids are what's keeping me going right now. I told Kris I could pack up everything we have and get us all in the car and drive far away and never look back. Unrealistic, yes, but very tempting right now.

Tomorrow is my graduation party and I'm dreading it. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I begged my parents to cancel it but they spent too much money to do that. I guess for the three hours that I will be around people, I will put on my happy face and accept the congratulations all while knowing they're wondering what's wrong.

Through all of this I will continue to glorify God and the blessings He has given me.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.... Romans 12:12

The world may not have ended...but part of mine did

Here are the loves of my life! We were in Chicago for my Master's graduation from Saint Xavier University. Unfortunately, Kale got sick and I decided it was best to bring him home to see a doctor. I was pretty upset about missing the ceremony but my kids come before everything! We had a good time in Chicago. We took the kids downtown and Addison got a new American Girl doll and some accessories. We also had fun at the Disney Store and got popcorn from Garrett's (best. popcorn. ever.) and had dinner at Rainforest Cafe. We tried to relax while we were there since Addison was only a little over a week out of her surgery. Both kids were troopers on the ride up there and on the ride home. I'm so thankful and blessed to have these three amazing people in my life. I don't know what I would do without them.

So the world was predicted to end yesterday...or atleast the beginning of the end. Well we're all still here! However, my life is going through some major changes. Part of my world is ending that I never thought would.

After 27 years of marriage, my parents are getting a divorce. I won't go into details for the sake of those involved. I don't know how to feel right now. I'm so sad and mad and frustrated. I am being pulled into the middle and I don't want to be. I love both of my parents but I'm soooooo angry right now. It's affecting my attitude and not in a good way. Sometimes I snap at Kris and then have to stop and remember that this isn't his fault.

Is divorce harder on kids or adults? Kris and I have been debating this since I got the news. His parents divorced when he was ten and was moved around a lot until they settled in East Peoria. Growing up he was used to spending weekends with his dad and the rest of the time with his mom. He was young and it became the only life he knew. The only life I've ever known was the one where my parents were married. I know all relationships have their ups and downs. I've seen my parents battle the worst storms and come out of it stronger. I want to believe that this is a mid life crisis but I'm not sure if it is. My whole life is changing and I don't handle change very well. Right now I want to take Kris, Addison, and Kale (and I guess Max can come, lol) and move far, far away from here. I know I can't run from my problems but I feel like I'm being suffocated by them right now. In the past three weeks my dad's sister died, the next day the divorce news was sprung on me, my parents couldn't make it to Chicago for my graduation, and then Kale was sick so I missed my own graduation. What else is going to be thrown at me? These emotions are getting the best of me...and my Zoloft isn't doing the trick!

I have to let go and let God do his work. I look around me and have to literally remind myself that I'm so lucky to have a great husband, a nice home, two healthy kids and a family who loves me. My parents divorce isn't in spite of me or because of me, but it still hurts. It hurts bad. But there are things that could hurt worse. Everyday I think about parents who have lost a child and I can't imagine that pain.

As you can probably see, I don't know how to feel right now. I'm a blob of emotions and I'm trying to live every day life the best I can.

Welcome to the club!

Well...today was the day that we dreaded and it's now over! Addison has officially joined the "No Tonsils" club!

Last night was my Exhibition for my Master's program. It's the final detail where the graduates display their research and findings on a trifold board and talk about their project to anyone who stops at their table. I was so stressed out about getting all of that stuff done that it kept me from thinking too much about Addison's surgery. But when she came to my Exhibition last night, it hit me. She looked so beautiful in her pale pink dress shirt and loose curls in her hair. She is the picture of absolute beauty to me. As she twirled around I got choked up. I couldn't imagine my life without her. How do parents lose their children and ever move on??? When the Exhibition was over I went home and she was laying in my bed watching cartoons. When I went to take her a cookie about 30 minutes later, she was completely crashed. I just stood there and looked at her...carmel hair and gorgeous skin. I wanted so badly to take her in my arms and hold her and tell her everything will always be okay and that I love her no matter what. And that's exactly what I did. Then I took her in her room and put her pajamas on her and tucked her in.

Morning came too soon (as usual). Kale woke me up at 5:30 to nurse. I decided to take a shower and do my hair and make-up. When it was time for Addison to wake up, I got her up the same way she gets me up every morning: I crawled into her bed and snuggled up to her. When it was time to go, she decided to wear her Hannah Montana comfy pants from Aunt Lacey and a long sleeve t-shirt. Oh, and of course a bow :) When we got to the hospital she was pretty quiet. They did the typical height, weight, blood pressure and heart check. It ended up being another hour and forty-five minutes before the anesthesiologist and nurse came and took her back to the OR. I took one last look at her...skinny little legs, long hair, blue eyes. I kissed her and told her I loved her. She went sooooo bravely with the nurse. During our wait, I nursed Kale again and tried to get him to sleep. I was also in need of a serious caffeine fix! It was only about an hour later when the doctor came out and said everything went just as planned and that she'd be coming out of recovery very soon. When we walked back the nurse was carrying her and she was crying for me. I took her in my arms and held her and smelled her hair. She sat on my lap and ate two orange popsicles and then needed to go potty. I took her in there and she said, "Get. Me. The. Hell. Outta Here!!!" I had to purse my lips together so I didn't giggle. All she wanted to do was go home.

So here we sit...on the couch cuddled up together watching Beethoven (yes, the big dog movie). I couldn't imagine not having her (or Kale) and am thankful to God for watching over her. I'm anxious to hear from her point of view what she remembers. Right now I'm trying to keep her from using her voice too much :) Thank you to anyone who said a quick prayer for Addison...she really appreciates it!!!

As seasons do, this too shall pass....

What a rough couple of past weeks! Kale has been so fussy lately! The other night he was up every 15 minutes. He's had a runny nose, fever, fussiness, and he chews on everything! I know he's teething and he's in pain! He has bitten me a few times while nursing and it's pretty painful...just wait until he actually has teeth! On top of that, Addison has had selective hearing. She's testing my patience and I won't let her win. She knows exactly how to push my buttons and I'm learning not to give her any satisfaction. So, she's had a few time-outs and has spent a lot of time in her room. I will not be one of those moms who doesn't discipline her kids...she knows how to behave but sometimes I have to remind her. Her surgery is 6 days away and I know she's having some fears. She had to have some blood drawn last week and I made Kris take her. I wouldn't have been able to handle seeing her in that much pain. A month ago she got a booster shot of some sort and she laid on the floor and screamed "They shot me in the legs!!!" I couldn't help but laugh because it was a funny scene. But I knew the blood draw wouldn't be funny. It took Kris and two nurses to hold her down. We tried to give her a pep talk. I told her there are sick kids around here who have to deal with needles and shots every day. That made her think and she later told me it made her sad that kids get sick. Her reflecting on what I say is one way I'm reminded that I'm doing a good job with her. She does listen to what I say and takes it to heart.

I will update after Addison's surgery. I know she will be fine. I've loaded her up with new coloring books and puzzles and DVD's! Prayers are always welcome!!!

A good mom...

My two babies....look at them. The most perfect, precious, innocent sweeties I know. This picture was taken the day after Kale was born. I would lay my life down for these two if it meant saving them. I would gladly take away any pain these two will ever go through...I know pain and life lessons only make a person stronger, but as their mother, I can't stand seeing my babies in pain or upset. I've been following the blog of a mom who lost her baby at 4 months old to SIDS. She is so strong in dealing with this tragedy. I'm not sure I could ever get out of bed again because my life would be over. I also have a friend who lost her son to cancer after watching him battle it most of his short life. Another brave mom that I look up to.
I'm sure most of you have seen my recent statuses on facebook about moms not spending time with their children. This frustrates me because the other moms I mentioned would do ANYTHING to have one more day with their babies. I've been told I was a little harsh in my comments. I disagree...I was truthful. These so called moms need to focus more on their children then what party they're going to next or who they will sleep with next. I completely agree that moms need a break for some alone time...personally, I love to sit in a steaming hot bath and read a book. This is usually interrupted by Addison wanting to come in and wash my back for me :) But there comes a point when a moms "me" time exceeds the amount of time she spends with her child/ren. I don't call that a mom. But this is just my opinion.

Anyway, an update on my family. Kale has started more solids and is doing great. He pretty much likes everything I've given him, especially pumpkin. I try to only give him organics. He had a really bad rash this week from me switching fabric softeners. Luckily, I don't think it bothered him too much. It just looked awful though. And my Addison....my sweet Addison! She says the funniest things! She came in from playing outside the other night and said, "Mom, I'm so flushed!" She just cracks me up!!!

I finished reading a book last week called Heaven Is For Real. I highly recommend it!!! The faith of a child is so pure. We can really learn so much from a child!

Unexpected Kindness

Wow! It's been a while since I've updated. Here's a quick rundown of what you've missed...Kale is rolling over! It's sooooo cute....he farts almost every time he does it which makes us all laugh hysterically! That boy could clear a room, let me tell you! He's fascinated by his toes and loves how they taste. He's a big bubble blower and is very inquisitive. He's not nearly as vocal as my niece Jaci is but he'll let you know if he needs something! The little stinker is starting to pinch the back of my arm when he nurses and finds this quite amusing! The sweetest new thing he does when he nurses is takes a break to talk to me and then goes back to nursing. It's like he's trying to tell me something...like that he loves me and appreciates me :) He absolutely LOVES Addison!!! Everytime she gets close to him he reaches for her face with an open mouth and ends up pulling her hair. She's such a great sister...she never cries about it! She just always tells him he's silly and not to pull her hair :) My poor Addison has to have her tonsils out on May 5. This makes me very sad but I know it is what's best. She doesn't sleep well at night and snores. She always has a cough or a sore throat so I know this surgery will help. It just so happens to fall in the midst of a busy May. May 4 is my Exhibition for my Master's program, May 5 is Addison's surgery, May 13 we are headed to Chicago for my graduation on May 15. Then on May 26 and 27 is Addison's dance rehearsal and recital. Finally, May 29 my parents are throwing me a graduation party....I'm going to be exhausted!!!

Anyway...onto the unexpected kindness!!! Yesterday when I woke up I was feeling pretty relieved that I finished my portfolio. When I checked my facebook I had a message from Kris's Uncle Terry informing me that they were in town and were meeting my father-in-law, Grandma Hutson and her husband Paul for lunch at Steak N Shake. I've only met Uncle Terry once and it was like three and a half years ago. He has two sons named Nick and Chalon. Nick has a girlfriend named Brittney and they have a two and a half year old named Miley. Uncle Terry also has an amazing wife named Lisa. Before yesterday, we had never met but we keep in touch on Facebook. She has frequently left me encouraging words and always makes me feel good about the decisions I'm making. I've never had someone who hasn't met me be so kind. She sent both of my babies gifts when they were born (and actully Addison is wearing that Snow White nightgown right now) and leaves the sweetest comments on my photos!

So naturally when I got this message I called Kris to see if he could get off work early and luckily he was able to! I was so excited to finally be able to meet Aunt Lisa and the rest of the family :) When we walked in the restaurant, everyone was already there. Aunt Lisa immediately embraced me! It wasn't one of those phoney hugs. I could feel the love and kindness coming from her! It was a great feeling!!! As most of you know, a lot of Kris's family and I don't always get along (that's putting it nicely). Yesterday was a breath of fresh air and I needed it!!! Everyone was so nice!!! When we went to pay for our lunch, Uncle Terry said lunch was on him. We were so thankful for that and for being able to spend time with them. When we left, Kris and I both said we'd love to go visit them in Arizona!!!

If breastfeeding offends you, put a blanket over YOUR head!

As most of you know, I'm very pro-breastfeeding. So much so that Kale doesn't even take pumped milk out of a bottle. He's what his pediatrician calls a bottle snob :) Because of this, I don't really go anywhere without him except for Wednesday nights when I have class for 3 hours. Kale goes on hunger strike and throws a tantrum if Kris tries to give him a bottle!!! Poor guy...he just wants his momma!!! Last week my mom took me shopping for my birthday. While we were at Target Kale starting fussing because he was hungry. I did what any mom of a hungry baby would do...I fed him!!! My grandma bought me a really pretty nursing cover called a "Hooter Hider". It's similar to a short apron and even has a burp cloth on one bottom corner. So while I was feeding him (note: I was completely covered!), I received many stares, double takes, and even third takes!!! I asked my mom if my boobs were showing or something because I was receiving many stares and even a few dirty looks. It's not like I wasn't covered!!! What's more offensive: a baby that's crying because he's hungry and a mother ignoring him because she doesn't want to offend anyone or a woman breastfeeding her baby completely covered? I refuse to feed my child in the bathroom where people do Lord knows what and not wash their hands! Do you want to eat in the bathroom? I didn't think so. There are so many more offensive things in public that people should throw a fit over instead of a mother who cares about her children's health enough to breastfeed them when they're hungry!!! Prime example: my grandma was at the grocery store the other day and heard a mother tell her toddler to shut the F up!!! I would have gotten my cell phone out right then and there and called DCFS right in front of that mother (if that's what you want to call her).

Enough of my rant :) Tamale pie is in the crockpot and my house is quiet! I really do love my life and my family!!!

...oh, little sleepy boy, do you know what time it is???

The title of my blog is a line in a lullaby that I absolutely love to sing to Kale...

St. Judy's Comet by Paul Simon
Little sleepy boy
Do you know what time it is?
Well the hour of your bedtime's
Long been past

And though I know you're fighting it
I can tell when you rub your eyes
You're fading fast
Fading fast

Won't you run come see St. Judy's Comet
Roll across the skies
And leave a spray of diamonds
In its wake
I long to see St. Judy's Comet
Sparkle in your eyes
When you awake

Little boy
Won't you lay your body down
Little boy
Won't you close your weary eyes
Ain't nothing flashing but the fireflies

Well I sang it once
Then I sang it twice
I'm going to sing it three times more
I'm going to stay 'til your resistance
Is overcome
'Cause if I can't sing my boy to sleep
Well it makes your famous daddy
Look so dumb

Won't you run come see St. Judy's Comet
Roll across the skies
And leave a spray of diamonds
In its wake
I long to see St. Judy's Comet
Sparkle in your eyes
When you awake

Little boy, little boy
Won't you lay your body down
Little boy, little boy
Won't you close your weary eyes
Ain't nothing flashing but the fireflies

Oo little sleepy boy
Do you know what time it is
Well the hour of your bedtime's
Long been past
Though I know you're fighting it
I can tell when you rub your eyes
That you're fading fast.
I absolutely love this song! With Addison, a night time routine was so easy to establish. In fact, if I strayed from it, she would let me know! With Kale, our routine is different because he insists on going to sleep in my bed with me. Around the fifth week of Kale's life, we had some serious sleeping issues because he wouldn't sleep at night for anything!!! He just could not get to sleep...when he would, he slept fine. Then one night Kris brought him into me while I was asleep and put him next to me. That was the beginning of this habit! Now, every night around 8:30, Kale is ready to get in my bed and nurse and go to sleep. If I don't fall asleep with him then I transfer him to his crib otherwise Kris does the transfer. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this time with him...but it often means that I miss out on tucking Addison in bed because she tucks me and Kale into bed. The roles have been reversed which she thoroughly enjoys! Anyway, the past week or so Kale has been waking up a lot in the night and I've been exhausted. So what have I done? That's right, I put him in my bed with me! Am I starting a horrible habit or am I just enjoying him being little? I debate myself on this every day. I don't want my baby to grow up. With Addison, I couldn't wait for her to get bigger so that she could do all the fun things she does now. With Kale, I just want him to stay little. He looks at me with his huge blue eyes like I'm the most important person in the world...well technically I am since I'm his food source :) I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, but right now I feel like I'm rambling because I'm tired, lol!

My greatest stories ever told...

Since it is my birthday today, I thought I'd share a little bit about the days that I gave birth....

Addison Elizabeth Hutson
January 15, 2007     11:40am
6 lbs 15.8 oz    19 in

Kris and I found out that we were pregnant in May 2006. Total shocker! We were both excited...especially when we found out that we were having a girl! Choosing a name was fun...Kris picked Addison because of the Chicago Cubs (Wrigley field is located on Addison Street). I chose the middle name Elizabeth because I've always loved that name. Addison was due on January 10 but decided she wasn't ready to come out then. I was so uncomfortable that winter! I had morning/noon/night sickness for pretty much the entire pregnancy. I also had the worst heartburn imaginable!!!! It was soooo awful...everything I ate gave me heartburn and made me sick! Finally when my due date had come and gone with no action, my doctor decided he would induce me at midnight on Sunday, January 14. I remember that Sunday night. My aunt was in from Florida and she painted my toenails for me. Then Kris and I laid in bed and watched reruns of Roseanne and tried to get some rest. At about 11:45 pm, we put our bags in the car along with Addison's baby carrier. There was no turning back now. We got to the hospital and checked in. They put us in a labor and delivery room, put my IV in, started pitocin, checked my progress (3.5 cm) and told me to get some rest. Yeah, right!!!!!!! From the very get go, Addison's heart rate was jumping around. So at 3 am, Kris decided to go get my bags out of the car for me. When he walked back into the room, he got quite the show! The nurse was breaking my water in hopes that it would help Addison's heart rate. As a first time mom, I had no clue that when your water broke blood was involved! Kris looked like he was going to pass out. After this we both tried to get some rest. Every time either one of us would remotely doze off, a nurse would come in or the monitors would beep! How can anyone rest in a hospital??? Around 7 am the troops arrived to cheer us on. My parents, sister, aunt, grandparents, in-laws, great-grandparents, and a few close friends arrived! At this point I'd dilated to a 4. Not much progress so I knew it was going to be a long day. Around 11:20 everyone decided that it was time to go have some lunch down in the cafeteria. I had to pee really bad and my grandma was in the room with me. She stepped out to give me some privacy. Two seconds later a nurse came running in the room and told me to lay on my side because Addison's heart rate had dropped again. Laying on my right side didn't help so she switched me to my left side. That didn't help either. In the mean time, Addison's heart rate was steadily dropping and my entire family was in the cafeteria, minus my grandma and Kris who was calling other family. The nurses were screaming some code and my OB came running in the room and said I better be fully dilated and ready to push or they needed the OR prepped! I was still only around a 4.5! Addison's heart rate was now down to 30 BPM and I was scared out of my mind. I was immediately wheeled to the OR while Kris was prepped and waiting. He called all of our family and told them to get their butts in gear because it's go time! At 11:40, Addison Elizabeth arrived with a head full of long, dark hair and the most beautiful face I've ever seen! Kris stayed with her every second while I was in recovery. The first time I held her was absolutely indescribable!!!! Addison had to make her big entrance when she thought all the attention wasn't focused on her...she's still the same way!!! I love that little girl more every day. I see so much of myself in her. She's very sensitive and caring and can always make people laugh!!! She has great gifts and talents and will one day be a wonderful mother!!!

Kale Kristopher Hutson
September 19, 2010    4:33 pm
7 lbs 2.2 oz     19 in

Kris and I started trying for Kale in December 2009. I found out that I was pregnant on January 19, 2010....a few short weeks after my sister found out that she was pregnant. Kris and I were thrilled that we got pregnant so easily. We were both hoping for a boy this time. Telling Addison was exciting! In the beginning, she really didn't want to talk much about the baby. It took a little time for her to get used to the idea of her not being the only child in our lives. I felt so healthy with Kale's pregnancy! It was a long, hot summer though. We found out that we were having a boy and Kris lit up! I, on the other hand, was very nervous. I only have one sister and mostly girl cousins so I've never been around boys too much. I was very used to pinks and purples and dance classes...everything girly! Choosing a name was hard this time...Kris hated everything that I loved....Liam, Stellan, Knox, etc. We came up with Kale because my maiden name was Lake...we just switched some letters around. Since I had an emergency c-section last time, my OB scheduled one this time for September 23, 2010. Kale and my sister's baby Jaci were supposed to be 3 weeks apart (Lacey was due September 2). However, Jaci decided to wait inside her mommy for an extra 11 days! What a crazy week that was! Jaci arrived on Monday, September 13, 2010. That Friday night we were all supposed to go out for dinner to Texas Road House. As Kris and I were walking out the door, I got a phone call to take my mom to the ER because she broke her wrist...so no Roadhouse. The next day was my friend's little guy's 2nd birthday party. Kris, Addison and I were going to go to Roadhouse afterwards but I was starting to feel very tired...once again, no Roadhouse. On Sunday, we were all going to try again to go to the Roadhouse. That morning I decided to get the grocery shopping done so that I could make meals for when I was in the hospital. I just happened to run into my parents and sister at Wal-Mart and I told my mom that I wasn't feeling well and my back was killing me. After an hour of grocery shopping, I was practically doubled over in pain. I was in labor!!!!! I drove home as fast as I could and told Kris that it was time to go to the hospital. His response: "But the Bears are playing the Cowboys!" Are you serious???? I called my OB and he said to go to labor and delivery immediately! Needless to say, no Roadhouse again :) In the mean time, our dog was at the groomer's and Addison needed to be taken to my parents house. Once we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to the monitors, checked me (4cm) and called my doctor. I was definitely in labor. Kale must have known that his cousin was here and he couldn't wait four more days until his scheduled c-section! We called my parents and they arrived just in time. I remember riding in a wheel chair to the OR and trying to take it all in. Once I was in the room and they were prepping me for a spinal, I was in immense pain and wanted Kris by my side. They wouldn't let him come in the room until my spinal was done and I was on the table. Once I was numb they checked me and I was fully dilated but he wasn't even anywhere near the birth canal!!! At 4:33 pm, Kale entered this world and my worries of having a son disappeared! I loved him immediately. He had the sweetest strawberry blond peach fuzz all over!!!! Kale and I spent that first night together while Kris took Addison home to keep her on her routine and so they could spend some time alone. Those moments of just Kale and I are so special to me....the little looks he would give me, him grabbing my finger and the little noises he made in his sleep! To this very day, I don't remember not having him because I love him so much! He's been attached to me ever since he arrived! He's great at breast feeding and is the best snuggler in town :) I love him with my entire being!!!

Being a mom is the best thing in the entire world. Never have I felt a love so fierce and so powerful than the love I feel fo my kids!!!!!

All because two people fell in love....

So here's how I got to the best part of my life (so far)....

Kris and I grew up next door to each other...yeah, I know, sweet :) Kris is 8 years older than I am, but ever since I can remember, I've had a crush on him. When I was in high school, I knew what time he got off of work and would watch for him because I knew he would check the mail. Perfect timing for me to check my mail, too!!! I always made sure to ask him about what concerts he was going to and what not. Then after my senior year of high school I moved to ISU where I was going to school. I had a boyfriend at the time but I knew it wasn't going anywhere. On this particular night, me and my boyfriend at the time went out with my friend Jessica Lemon and her boyfriend. We went out to eat and then went to Best Buy. I got the brilliant idea to buy a Pantera cd because I knew it was Kris's favorite band. I told Jessica that this was the night that would change my life...hahahaha!!! When my boyfriend at the time dropped me off promptly five minutes before my curfew (lol), I watched from my kitchen window as he drove off. I marched myself over to Kris's house, Pantera cd in hand, and knocked on his door. I'm sure he thought I was nuts because I thought the same thing. As I walked over there I felt like I was going to throw up, but after I knocked on the door I knew there was no turning back...although I did think about running or hiding in the bushes! When he answered the door I asked him if he'd heard the new Pantera cd....how cheesey!!!! He said I could come in and I ended up hanging out until like 5 am....no kissing, no touching, nothing! We didn't even sit on the same couch! Complete gentleman!!! Then he said it would be cool if he could take me out for a drink when I turned 21...I was like oooooook...but that shortly changed because we ended up hanging out that week. He came down to visit me at my dorm. We had a lot of fun times down there :) Now this relationship was not without drama! My dad did not want me to date someone so much older than me and this went on for a year. It was hard but we made it through. Actually, we made it through a lot and we both knew how much we loved each other. Our first official date Kris took me downtown to the riverfront and then we went to a movie with Jessica and her boyfriend. On our 2 year anniversary, Kris took me back to that very same spot and proposed. It was very romantic and he asked for my dad's permission...perfect! That was in September 2005. In May 2006, I found out I was pregnant and it scared the crap out of me!!! My friend Brooke kept telling me that I was and I was in denial. Then I took a pregnancy test at work and sure enough it was positive immediately. I ran into our classroom shaking with a pregnancy test dripping with pee in my hands!! She confirmed what I knew to be true...I was pregnant!!! Telling Kris was scary, but telling my parents was even scarier! My mom took the news well and my dad got used to the idea within 12 hours. On January 15, 2007, our daughter Addison Elizabeth was born and on August 11, 2007, we got married....the rest is history as they say :) My next blog is going to be about my birth stories because in my opinion a woman's birth story is the best story she'll ever tell!!!!

Getting started...

Quick post to make sure I'm even doing this right!!! Will post more later :)