I wish I could say things have changed but they haven't. I still feel like crying all the time...like I can't take a deep breath...like my world is crumbling. Some of you think this may sound dramatic but my family has always been what has molded me and made me who I am. If my family isn't together, then who am I? I know I'm still a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, etc. But if my parents aren't together, then what? I don't know what to even say after that...My parents aren't together but they both still love me even though it feels like one of them has moved on without us. They swear they haven't but it doesn't change how I feel.
I still hold firm on my belief that divorce is harder on adult children than it is on younger children. When a young childs parents divorce, they don't have to choose a side because it is chosen for them and custody is set up. As an adult, I'm not spared or shielded from any details. It may not seem fair, but I'm afraid that if I don't listen then neither of them have anyone to confide in. I know it isn't my job but I still listen.
Every single day is getting harder and I'm feeling angrier. I have considered calling my family doctor for a referral to talk to a counselor. An unbiased party might be able to help me. Kris and my kids are what's keeping me going right now. I told Kris I could pack up everything we have and get us all in the car and drive far away and never look back. Unrealistic, yes, but very tempting right now.
Tomorrow is my graduation party and I'm dreading it. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I begged my parents to cancel it but they spent too much money to do that. I guess for the three hours that I will be around people, I will put on my happy face and accept the congratulations all while knowing they're wondering what's wrong.
Through all of this I will continue to glorify God and the blessings He has given me.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.... Romans 12:12
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