The world may not have ended...but part of mine did

Here are the loves of my life! We were in Chicago for my Master's graduation from Saint Xavier University. Unfortunately, Kale got sick and I decided it was best to bring him home to see a doctor. I was pretty upset about missing the ceremony but my kids come before everything! We had a good time in Chicago. We took the kids downtown and Addison got a new American Girl doll and some accessories. We also had fun at the Disney Store and got popcorn from Garrett's (best. popcorn. ever.) and had dinner at Rainforest Cafe. We tried to relax while we were there since Addison was only a little over a week out of her surgery. Both kids were troopers on the ride up there and on the ride home. I'm so thankful and blessed to have these three amazing people in my life. I don't know what I would do without them.

So the world was predicted to end yesterday...or atleast the beginning of the end. Well we're all still here! However, my life is going through some major changes. Part of my world is ending that I never thought would.

After 27 years of marriage, my parents are getting a divorce. I won't go into details for the sake of those involved. I don't know how to feel right now. I'm so sad and mad and frustrated. I am being pulled into the middle and I don't want to be. I love both of my parents but I'm soooooo angry right now. It's affecting my attitude and not in a good way. Sometimes I snap at Kris and then have to stop and remember that this isn't his fault.

Is divorce harder on kids or adults? Kris and I have been debating this since I got the news. His parents divorced when he was ten and was moved around a lot until they settled in East Peoria. Growing up he was used to spending weekends with his dad and the rest of the time with his mom. He was young and it became the only life he knew. The only life I've ever known was the one where my parents were married. I know all relationships have their ups and downs. I've seen my parents battle the worst storms and come out of it stronger. I want to believe that this is a mid life crisis but I'm not sure if it is. My whole life is changing and I don't handle change very well. Right now I want to take Kris, Addison, and Kale (and I guess Max can come, lol) and move far, far away from here. I know I can't run from my problems but I feel like I'm being suffocated by them right now. In the past three weeks my dad's sister died, the next day the divorce news was sprung on me, my parents couldn't make it to Chicago for my graduation, and then Kale was sick so I missed my own graduation. What else is going to be thrown at me? These emotions are getting the best of me...and my Zoloft isn't doing the trick!

I have to let go and let God do his work. I look around me and have to literally remind myself that I'm so lucky to have a great husband, a nice home, two healthy kids and a family who loves me. My parents divorce isn't in spite of me or because of me, but it still hurts. It hurts bad. But there are things that could hurt worse. Everyday I think about parents who have lost a child and I can't imagine that pain.

As you can probably see, I don't know how to feel right now. I'm a blob of emotions and I'm trying to live every day life the best I can.